i dont know what to feel, how to see maybe im blinded by sadness but i dont want to complainnn.. thats just the ground ruless
NEVER COMPLAINN!!!
ya tuhhaann i dont know what to do next
things are falling apart and i just cant seemm to tamed this JEALOUS FULL OF MEANNESS AND TRYING TO SEE PRICE-TAG OF EVERYONE AND HOW THEY GET IT AND NOT ME ........
well what ive known im very happy that my second brother go through his muslim-dillema girlfriend that tries to convert him into muslim and just holding him back in everything, well now even he is wounded he goes with faith and knows he had one, he started to get back ontoo his feet.... AND HE GOT the promotion the job he applied for so many times but rejected until this week.. huh eeeaaahhaaa right just after he broke up with his 3 times girlfriend..
another weary things its this two years apart from family started to bugg me.. chinese new year was one day where it is very busy in our family where you get to meet everyone for one day and share laughters and meals together with everyone and I GOT TO MISSED IT AGAIN FOR THE SECOND TIME..... and whats worse im not doing anything in this country no plans no celebration awhahaha.....
to makes it worsee. my dadddd he falls off from a ladder yupp thats right a ladder he's not the guy that is supposed to be on the ladder and guess what he broke his legs and not wanting to see a doctor or get it treated. his stubborness is getting worse and worsee and doctor says from seeing the xray that his feet is going to be shortened after it is healed from being crashed... i know i meant to be hopefull for a miracle that i know exist and experience for i know i was meant to pray for it instead of writing this blog foolishly declaring it.. i was meant to pray
however that wasnt all,, i am now jobless didnt know why suudeenly i didnt get a shift and now im moving into nightfiller which is sometime i only work once a week.. my scholl that ive been doing the past 6 month with my own money doing cert IV in business admin, Is not c
yup thats the topic for this time i guess i need to learn more about prayersss.....succesfull and i have to reenrol for two subjects and now after 2 times going to enrollments process there still no news.. ahahhahahahaha......... and now ii wnat more money but i am lazy im just becomiing lazy and lazier i guesss and i dont know what to do....
dear Jesus in heaven the one whose heart is like a steady clean waterfall and deep like ocean, whose hand are strong like the mountain, whose eyes are filled of love and whose smiles shines joy, whose character are so constant and faithful like no one could explain it.. whose words are full of hopess....... please give me not only knowledge but understanding of what is going through nowadays, ive been avoiding talking to you i ve been running away trying not to pray, but i dont feel right i want to know and understand what to do next lordd.. i know that i shall still commit in serving and i still do eventhough i know deep inside those are small.. my mind is full of confusion, i am full of sinn ooh lorrd please forgive my desire and beeing dirty please forgive me and turns me away from my wrong doing thingsss... i ve been thinking for awhile maybe this is my punishment from my wrongdoings or something.. but goddd i dont know who to turn too except you.. only you i can tell everything....
oh lord i used to remember just then probably two years ago im still like thiss freshh fishhhh out of water discovering the world, full of dream and thing i wanted to do.. and oh god how those years have passed and now i dont seem to have dreams or even plans of future anymore.. i dont know what has happened .. its like a part of my childhood is gone.. and now here i am lord standing getting ready for beinng a 19 year old, but felt so ollldd allready..
sometimes i felt like i know im doing wrong and constraining myself for not doing it but still do and afterwads i felt hopeless.. just like now i know i am meant to not complain and to know that all this happen for a good reaon that i know you are out there ready looking out for me..
oh good plase help me tamed this mouth full of complaintss... pleas ehelp me clear this mind full of confusion and please cleanse this heart from my wrongdoingss.. please show me the way ahead on what to do next god please reveal to me what i shall do now!!
ooh father please dont be mad i know everytime i pray it is alwas mee mee i iii iiii... i am not that strong and pure hearted i am not that strong and still needs you to help me cleanse this heart, stop this mouth and shine this mind.....
i felt the guilt and ashamed and weary and tired and so much more however i hold onto you lord the god i know that provides, that forgive, tht is omnipotent and everlasting....
god you know i love you and i got nothing except you... forgive my nonsense this night im just sad for i dont know what reason...
i know tht tommorow i will forget everything and things will get clearer and clearer....
i love you father, advisor, god, jesus and so many other names...
xoxoxxx
