looking back for the past 6 months. i've seen alot of changes through me.. especially my characters and my way of living life. sometimes i'm proud of it but on the back of it, i felt like i left everything that i've ever had before. my goals, family , friends, education and fun, they're all the thing i've given up for these few months.
sad is one word but when it combines with misery that explains how i felt exactly back then, at the first few weeks since i've arrived in australia. return flight tickets with a fixed date on it, what keeps me going strong living through each days here in perth, but then once again that has been taken away from me too.
plans are changed.
tough life decisions are to be made
pleasures and comfort are to be given up
direction are biased
no one to lean on except GOD himself
faith, faith and faith once again that had saved me.
the girl that used to have steady pace at everything, stable financial income from a loving parent, and got nothing to worry about, with plans made in advance. she do have a good grip of life. but then she lost everything , giving them all up, her dreams, stability of life , social and her juvenile years for something that she doesn't know for sure, for something that might not worth it, for something that her parents told were just going to take a few months of her life and it'll be over soon. but then she was trapped in this whirling confusing never ending railtracks.
it felt like stranded on an isolated island, hanging alone in there and though the boats are there to get her back home, but she just can't get on the boat.
i felt that these were one of god's plan and there's something behind all the challenges that i face nowadays. but the glimpse of the main event or the prizes for all these, are still in a midst of gray clouds.
though i've given up everything, there's freedom in surrender.
i've gained so many life lessons, my faith is restored and build stronger and stronger each day.
the happiness of nothingness that hasn't been felt before are there to support me.
the rush heartbeat beacause the sound of god's voices felt so near at every prayer i've made
one thing i've learned through all this is to let go of everything to god. he do have plans for you. and when it comes, he provides all thing that you not need to worry about
god
only need 1 day to find me a roof to live at.
only need 2 days to find me a courages friend.
only need 1 weeks to find me a job.
only need 2 weeks to find me a church to grow with and serve him.
only need 3 weeks to find me a church (2nd) family.
only need 3 weeks and 4 days to change my old bad habits of self-destruction into goodness.
only need 1 months to tottaly changed my character into an independent living soul and to depend only to Him.
only need 3 months to teach me to give up everything and to let him do according to his plan
only need 4 months to let me see through all these suffering, he never left.
only need 5 months to let me found peace, freedom and happiness in total surrender.
only need 6 months to let me hear his voice clearly.
so many things i've learned, so many things i cannot write it all down
but one thing for sure
before i only know how to be loved and but now i know how to love.
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