define me?..... (part 1)

define you? is sometimes the hardest question to answer to. it's certainly something that you cannot say in a sentences or even in a line or a book. even myself cannot answer this question, cause you seem to be changing every minute and it does bugs me alot sometimes cause "when i don't even know myself, then how can others". well, sometimes the way i see things make other people misunderstand of what i actually means. this few days i've been thinking on how to say it, my standard values toward life.

this what defines me now:
- when i see things, i like it to see it in different ways, i like something that is unique, like the art side of it.

- when it comes to fashion, i like it to natural, not too simple and i like to make my own clothes. you can describe it as, sweet but edgy , elegant classic and original. here is example of clothes i made (photos at the top). people says that i am in the wrong major which is marketing , and i should take fashion designer. that's how people likes my fashion sense

- i don't like to lie, though sometimes i lie for good reason. but on daily basis, i don't lie. i'm very sportif person. weirdly though, my dad teach me and told me to lie, i don't get it.. but my dad say when you lie, then you'll know when others lie to you, it's for your own greater good future, cause he said that in business world it's very tough and lot's of lies around you.

-but i believe that "what you do is what you'll get in return" .
i certainly trust and believes in that, i know that though sometimes the world just pushes you into doing bad things or you don't realize that you are doing bad things, DONT DO IT and STOP doing it!!! even when it seems there's no other way, just DON't. trust me when you do it then you wouldn't know what's right or wrong anymor, you will just think of it as the nothing is wrong about being bad. for example: i like to go clubbing and it's bad for you, but because i used to do it, i don't even know why it's bad to do in the begginning. does anyone knows why?
you see sometimes "a start of doing something when you know it's wrong, just changes and flips your way of thingking just in seconds and forever." this exactly what makes people SICK and TWISTED,. just like what me and my friends had experienced.

-i tend to be too positive that i ran away from the truth,
like back then i used to smoke a cigarette when i want to, then i told myself (" okay, i wouldn't get addicted cause i know that i'm smart and i won't get addicted, and i'll not get sick cause i smoke only when i want to and i dont inhale it, i just puff the smoke and enjoy the thrills, so in that way i won't get sick.") you see how sometimes being too positives can turns you into doing a bad thing but you take it as a good thing.. so what i learn that time was just be real.. come on you smoke, you die.. as simple as that.

- i also like things been done practically, i don't like to do something and finish it very long time. like when i got work to do, at first i would think how to finish it quickly but doing it right, so i like to invent my own creative ways to finish it. i just don't like sticking to a procedure, though sometimes you need too, i just don't like it. but, somehow, when people see me do this stuff they think of me as a verylazy person. i just don't want to waste my time doing unnecessary things, just do what's important.

-i'm very competitive, but honest..

- i like to observes things , which makes me to just wonders off sometimes anywhere, anytime. i like to ask question about it and answer it alone.

- i like things perfectly, not being too perfectionist , i like to close my eyes for certain things. eg: when i see something i like to see it in it's best form, balanced and just pretty. eg: if i see an add or something i like to comment it and when i see something just perfect for me, i'll be so amazed and talk about it foe certain period. however, i also admire flaws, wel you might say i like the extreme,"when it's supposed to be beautiful, then don't just be pretty, be beautiful."

-i know that i like to talk about people and gossip about them, it makes me very unlikable to others. but that's me. well i 've been trying to change that, and i succeed, but it gives result of "the silent ria". don't you thinks it's weird see me all so quiet and all. well, i kind of like it, it makes me seem mysterious and all.

-i like to aim high, but i just don't have the intergrity for it.. i'm very moody, just like when i try to loss weight, i really tried hard for it, like i can wake up really early in the morning and do sport, starve myself and eat right, but after 3 weeks and so, when results just seems very way off. tick, i change to like yea whatever, don't care bla bla. bla.. i myself ashamed of it, this way people don't take me seriously when i try to start all over again , just lost the respect of everyone. well, what you can say, what happens, happens i learned from the very rocky side of it..

- when it comes to sense of music, i don't just like any popular music, big big bang boom or whatever comes into the charts,. i like to feel it , how does it makes me feel, is there anything behind it's appearance, like the meaningful lyrics, the voice quality of the singer, i like it to be original and there's something more than what you just listen to, some people say i've got a weird sense of music..